Living with type 2 diabetes can be frustrating, confusing and just plain awful! But I feel lucky. Sometimes it feels as if I can never figure out how to live with this disease. Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I cry. But I feel lucky. Yesterday, I felt stupid.
I’ll be babysitting two of my grandsons all weekend. I didn’t plan ahead very well so I bought some cookies from the store bakery instead of baking healthier ones here. As I was putting them into Ziploc bags, I ate one. It tasted so good! Then I ate another, and another, and…I lost track. It was totally mindless! When I came to my senses and realized what I had done I had this complete feeling of dread. Oh dang, how stupid can I be? I felt kinda “buzzy”. I was thirsty. I approached my meter with dread. 246. I think that may be a record for recorded glucose readings for me. I may have been higher at some point in my diabetes life but I may not have tested.
I was going out to dinner with my daughter and one of my daughters-in-law and I realized that I probably just tanked any chance of having a nice evening. I didn’t feel well and might not be able to enjoy a meal out! I inhaled mass quantities of water and hoped for the best. I continued to check my glucose and saw the number dropping but I was still concerned. 183 at 1 ½ hours, 140 and hour after that. When I checked my glucose before eating I was so relieved to see 82 on my meter! 1 ½ hours after eating – 109. Score! I had a wonderful evening with two very special ladies and had managed to survive my stupidity without having to avoid eating. I ate a lovely meal and didn’t have glucose issues. Phew!
I feel lucky. I obviously have diabetes but my body also obviously still works on its own, eventually. If you’ve read my blog you know that I don’t use insulin. Watching what I eat and drink and making sure to exercise are the only way I can keep from having a high glucose reading. (I do take Metformin but that works to prevent my liver from dumping glucose. It doesn’t help me if I eat like an idiot.) The fact that I have enough insulin and that my cells eventually took care of the excess glucose leads to my feeling of luckiness. It could be so much worse.
I could choose to rail against the machine and whine because I can’t “just eat”. I could spend my days in a funk and feel sorry for myself. I have those days, on occasion, but for the most part I feel lucky that I have a condition/disease/personal monster that I can work to control. I have choices. I feel lucky.